“Hello my fellow American, my name is Martin the ‘Murica Moose!” the moose said to you on the Fourth of July with the command of Uncle Sam. “Some say I chiseled the entirety of Mount Rushmore with my massive antlers, that Teddy Roosevelt rode me into the heat of battle in Cuba, and that I am legally married to Lady Liberty. Whether these stories hold truth, I can not say, but I do know this for certain: I fear nothing but fear itself; I give liberty AND death; I talk gently and carry a VERY big stick…”
“Hear me out Human, I love this country dearly. And as a true patriot, I relish in our wonderful successes, and I anguish in our failures. I love the values that guide our nation like freedom, equality, and democracy. But I also hold it to be self-evident that we fail to deliver sometimes.”
“We’ve funded the sciences and gone to the moon, we’ve made serious attempts to fight poverty and alleviate unnecessary suffering, we’ve continually marched towards upholding the humanity of all persons, and we kicked some serious Nazi ass in WW2! However, we’ve also built our country off of oppression and exploitation, we’ve infringed on other people’s national sovereignty under the pretense of ‘fighting the Reds,’ and we’ve thoroughly bungled the extent and power of consumer culture to the detriment of our health and the planet.”
“The love of my country comes from recognizing both of these realities, because turning a blind eye to either one only hurts our country, and a true patriot doesn’t purposefully harm their nation. However, our progress and shortcomings are certainly not exclusive to Americans. We did not build our country (Hell, even gain our independence!) without the help of the global community, and we also aren’t alone in our failures (as every nation since the Agricultural Revolution was built off of some hierarchy and abuse). This fact should not diminish our successes or minimize our failures, instead it should remind us that humans are imperfect, and that humans must improve. And my fellow American, here is a place to start…”
“You know what angers me more than a British tax collector? The attacks hurled at each other by my fellow countrymen. In particular, I despise the vile and ad hominem attack of ‘unamerican.’ People throw around the word ‘unamerican’ like it’s an UNO skip card, but no one cares to admit that calling an American ‘unamerican’ is completely nonsensical. That’s like calling blue cheese ‘not cheese.’ Don’t get me wrong, I think blue cheese is an abomination, but it’s still cheese! The truth is that as long as you believe in the core values enshrined in the Constitution and are willing to achieve your goals through democratic means, you are just as much of an American as every other gun wielding, women right’s fighting, communist sympathizing, tree hugging, Tom Hanks loving American on the face of this great country.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to agree with everyone, but you absolutely must acknowledge their ‘Americanness.’ To do this is no easy task, because often our values collide. Some Americans value national security to the point that they support mass deportations of undocumented immigrants, which may rub against your value of fairness or charity. Some Americans value their bodily rights to the point that they wish to have an abortion, which may conflict with your religious and moral values. When our values collide, we quickly default to dehumanize, or in this case ‘denationalize,’ our fellow Americans by claiming that what they value isn’t American at all; we quickly label them as ‘unamerican’. When we fail to recognize our fellow countrymen as true Americans because of our different value hierarchies, we tread the dangerous path of tribalism. Because the moment that you divide our country between the freedom loving patriots and the evil ‘Unamericans,’ we are in for deep trouble.”
“Instead, we must accept our differing values. And, as crazy as it sounds Human, you must admit that you are all wrong. As a human, and certainly as an American, you don’t have all the answers; you are full of prejudice. And because of this, the pursuit of your goals will always end up leaving someone hurt or left out. Therefore, you can not hope to be right. You can only hope to be less wrong and do less harm.”
“But how do we do that? How do we do what is right? Well, that might be a discussion for another Independence Day Human, but this is for certain: the only way you can do what is right is by first refusing to deny our fellow citizens the beautiful, fortunate title of ‘American.’” Martin looked up towards the sky. He cracked a smile, and glanced back at you, “So, c’mon you son of a bitch, do you want your Republic to live forever?” And with that, Martin’s hooves turned into fireworks, and he blasted off into the atmosphere, exploding in a colorful display of red, white, and blue.
